“I Thought I Was Being Strong”: How Pride Delays Life-Saving Medical Care

We have all heard the saying, “Tough it out.” It’s a phrase often passed down from generation to generation, a hallmark of what it means to be a man in many cultures. Men, especially Black men, have long been taught to hide their vulnerability, to carry burdens silently, and to take pride in never showing weakness. But what happens when this pride stops us from listening to our bodies and seeking the medical care we so desperately need?

Kenneth Wells, a man who bravely shares his story of surviving prostate cancer, offers a personal and powerful reminder that sometimes, what we think of as “strength” can actually become our greatest weakness. In his journey, he reflects on how silence, self-reliance, and fear of vulnerability nearly cost him his life. His story is a call to action: to encourage men everywhere to break the silence, acknowledge their health struggles, and ask for help when they need it.

The Mask of Strength

As a young man, Wells, like so many others, grew up believing that strength meant never complaining, never letting anyone see your pain, and never admitting weakness. For him, and many Black men in his community, manhood was often tied to an image of invincibility. He was taught that real men didn’t talk about their health struggles, especially those tied to intimacy, like prostate issues. The fear of appearing weak, both in the eyes of others and in his own self-image, was a powerful force that led him to keep his struggles to himself.

When Wells was diagnosed with prostate cancer, he did what many men do—he kept it to himself. His reasoning was simple: “I thought I was sparing my family and friends from worry. I thought I was being strong.” The fear of vulnerability, of appearing fragile or weak, kept him silent. His experience mirrors that of countless men who, for fear of judgment or shame, choose to shoulder the burden of illness alone.

But the silence that Wells chose to maintain wasn’t protecting anyone—it was eroding his ability to heal. The longer he waited to seek help, the more his situation deteriorated. What he thought was a sign of strength was actually delaying the necessary medical care that could have saved his life.

The Dangers of Silence

In his memoir, Wells goes on to describe how he ignored the early warning signs of his prostate issues. The frequent need to urinate, the discomfort in his body—these were all signals his body was sending, begging for attention. But instead of listening, he pushed these signs aside. “Most of the time” was good enough for him. He ignored the symptoms, choosing instead to tough it out, even as his body pleaded for help. His story is a poignant reminder of how men often ignore their health, convinced that ignoring the pain will somehow make it go away.

This is where the danger lies. Pride and silence can be deadly when it comes to health issues. By ignoring symptoms or thinking they’ll resolve on their own, men may end up facing far worse consequences. In Wells’ case, his refusal to seek early medical intervention put him at greater risk of a more advanced stage of cancer. It’s a vicious cycle: the more we keep things to ourselves, the harder it becomes to break the silence, and the more we jeopardize our health.

Breaking the Silence

Wells’ breakthrough came only when his physical symptoms became impossible to ignore. When he finally opened up and shared his diagnosis with his family, they surrounded him with support and care, something he had feared they might deny him. This moment of vulnerability became his turning point—a powerful realization that the silence he had kept wasn’t just harming him, it was robbing him of the support and care he so desperately needed.

For many men, talking about prostate cancer or sexual health is uncomfortable. But Wells’ story highlights an important lesson: the strength lies not in the silence but in breaking it. There’s true power in vulnerability. By speaking up and acknowledging our health issues, we not only empower ourselves but we also open the door for others to do the same. Wells found that when he shared his struggles, other men who had faced similar issues began to open up as well. He realized that in telling his story, he wasn’t just healing himself—he was helping others heal too.

The Role of Pride and Cultural Stigma

For Black men in particular, cultural pride can sometimes be intertwined with the reluctance to seek medical care. In Wells’ experience, the belief that manhood is defined by strength, sexual prowess, and self-reliance made it incredibly difficult to seek help. Prostate cancer, often viewed as a disease of older men, especially men of color, is rarely discussed openly in many communities. Wells notes how silence on these topics is often an unspoken rule that’s passed down through generations. The stigma of having health problems “below the belt” can create a culture of denial.

The consequences of this silence can be dire. Prostate cancer is one of the leading causes of death among Black men, yet it remains a topic that’s rarely discussed in mainstream conversations. The lack of awareness, combined with cultural taboos, means that many men don’t get checked until it’s too late. Wells advocates for breaking this silence, not just for personal healing, but for community survival. Men’s health issues, particularly prostate cancer, need to be discussed openly and without shame.

The Turning Point: A New Definition of Strength

Wells’ journey teaches us that real strength doesn’t come from silence—it comes from asking for help when we need it. It’s about listening to our bodies, acknowledging our vulnerabilities, and seeking the care that could save our lives. For Wells, it was a long, difficult road to realizing that being vulnerable didn’t make him weak; it made him stronger. By speaking up, by seeking help, and by confronting his own fears and pride, Wells was able to not only survive prostate cancer but also thrive in the face of it.

His message is clear: it is time for men to redefine strength. True strength is found in the courage to face your health issues head-on. It is found in breaking the silence and reaching out for the support you deserve. Whether it is prostate cancer, mental health, or any other struggle, vulnerability is not a sign of weakness—it is a testament to our strength and our humanity.

Conclusion: A Life-Saving Choice

Pride and silence may feel like shields, but they can be deadly for our health. Kenneth Wells’ story is a powerful reminder that we cannot let fear or pride stop us from listening to our bodies and seeking the care we need. Men, especially Black men, must break the silence and stand up for their health. The next time you feel something’s wrong, don’t keep it to yourself—ask for help. Your life may depend on it.